Tag: labor

Wanting to have our baby at the Denver Center for Birth & Wellness meant having him before 42 weeks. Sounds easy, right? Our “birth window” opened at 37 weeks and that meant we had 5 weeks for him to safely make his arrival. January 27th was my estimated due date and we learned in our Hypnobirthing class that most babies for first time moms come somewhere around 41+3 weeks of their pregnancy. Like any first time mom, I had my hopes that baby would come right on my due date or even a few days before. Well, he had different plans. Very different plans.

This is the story of Bodhi’s birth.

At around 40 weeks I had gotten acupuncture and a pregnancy massage to hopefully get labor started. I had felt a few Braxton hicks after my appointment but nothing more than some slight cramping. At my 41 week appointment, my midwife suggested getting more acupuncture and helped me make another appointment. We also talked about other ripening tools that could help my body get ready to go into labor. That evening I had my second acupuncture appointment and again, didn’t feel much progress being made. This baby was comfy cozy and had no inclinations of arriving anytime soon! I was starting to get anxious about timing out of the birth center.

The next day, I went back to my midwife and had a foly bulb put in to help my cervix “ripen” or in medical terms, to forcefully dilate my cervix to jumpstart labor. Now, let me tell you, that was not fun or comfortable but it helped. After a few hours, I started to feel extremely painful contractions and I was certain that labor was on its way! The foly was incredibly uncomfortable so I decided to remove it at home after 7 hours of having it. After removing it, the contractions immediately stopped. I instantly regretted my decision. I cried for making the choice of taking it out and thought I was doomed to be pregnant forever and I was going to for sure time out of having our baby the way we had planned for. I went to bed very upset that night with no signs of labor coming my way. The next day we went back to the birth center to learn it had actually made some progress! I was dilated to a 4 and it seemed like things were going to start happening in the next couple of days.

What a relief!

We decided to see if nature would take its course and went home to eat some spicy foods and bounce on the exercise ball. That evening, now 41+5, two days before risking out at the birth center, I got the go-ahead from my midwife, to try taking castor oil for labor induction. I mixed up a cocktail of the oil and OJ and chugged it down. My anxiety was high at this point from the controversial reports on castor oil and the effects it could have on an unborn baby, but I was desperate. I was at the point that I would do anything short of getting Pitocin to induce labor and not risk out of the birth center.

About an hour after taking the castor oil I started to feel its effects. I’ll spare you the gory details but everything you read on the internet about castor oil happened to me. Not fun.

It was now about 7pm and I was starting to feel some contractions. They were much different than the ones I felt with the foly, they were bearable. I felt empowered; I could have this baby naturally if this is what real contractions were like. I started to listen to my Hypnobirthing affirmations and tried to relax as much as I could.

It wasn’t another 45mins that I started getting anxious and the contractions were getting more intense so I decided to hop in the shower and have Ryan call the midwife. She was already at the birth center so said we could head over at any time. I told Ryan maybe another couple of hours of laboring at home and we would be ready to head that way.. Well, by the time I was ready to get out of the shower, I was ready for some more support and to be at the birth center. Things were getting much more intense and I did not want to have this baby at home or in the car on the way to the center.

Ryan let the birth team know we were on our way, packed the car & we said goodbye to the pups to head to the birth center. To head to the place where we will meet our baby. By this time, contractions were about 3mins apart; still bearable but intense and I was uncomfortable. I don’t remember too much of the car ride to the center (aside from every single bump in the road) as I had my eyes closed and was listening to my Hypnobirthing tracks.

Upon arrival at the center, we learned there were 3 other families welcoming new babies that night! Our midwife was bouncing from room to room making sure everyone was comfortable. We got settled into our room and I immediately asked to get in the tub. While the tub was filling up the midwife checked to see how much I had progressed and I was open to a 7. I was so excited. I cried tears of joy knowing that we had made it and baby was going to be joining us soon. The midwife went to go check on the other families and I settled into the tub.

Now, I have to talk about the tub for a moment because it was by far the most relieving part of my labor. The contractions were far less intense in the water. The temperature helped alleviate my back labor. I swear, it’s like liquid morphine! I will forever recommend a tub as a labor tool to help with pain. If we ever decide to have another child I will only hope he or she can be born in the water.

After what feels like a couple of hours in the tub (I can’t remember how long I was actually in there for) I got out to try some new positions. Things were getting intense again and the contractions continued to be around 3mins apart. I labored on the bed switching from side to side for a while. I spent some time on the toilet using it as a stool to labor on. I found it most effective to just pace the room between contractions and lean over on the bed when a wave would hit. It kept my mind off the pressure and Ryan was able to help hold a heating pad on my lower back. Back labor is NO joke!

By this time, our midwife had called in some extra support for me as things were slowly progressing and the other 3 families needed her support as their babies had already been born. Our Doula arrived with tons of tricks and tools up her sleeve to help alleviate the pain and help the baby move down the birth path. We used long pieces of woven fabric to do belly lifts. Squats during waves, which were not my favorite but I could tell they helped. Sideline stretches during waves, which were by far the most painful position I had experienced but again, I could tell it was helping. Our Doula made sure  I was staying hydrated and as comfortable as possible but I think she could tell things were starting to get too intense for me. She also offered me some small snacks to help keep my energy up.  I was offered some Nitrous Oxide to help take the edge off. I used the nitrous for each contraction for the next few hours. Having a Doula was beyond helpful throughout this whole process. She is a saint and I cannot thank her enough. I really don’t think I would have made it as long as I did without the support from my Doula and Ryan. Laboring naturally is hard, exhausting work.

After what feels like forever, the midwife came back and decided to do an ultrasound as the babys head wasn’t moving down like she had hoped with the amount of time that had passed and feared he might have been breech. We moved to the exam room for the ultrasound and luckily that was not the case. His head was just high up and my water had still not broken. We decided to have the midwife break my water to make the contractions more intense and help baby move down the birth path.

I will never forget the feeling of having your water broken. I had always thought it was a one time feeling of it breaking and then that was it. I was wrong. While the baby is still inside of you, you’re still creating fluid (babies still pee even when in labor). From the moment my water was broken until right before he was born I continuously felt gushes of fluid running out of me. Not pleasant.

Now that my water was broken, I was again checked by the midwife for any progress. I was now open to a 9. Almost there. Hopefully, within the hour, we would be meeting our baby! Again, he had other plans.

His positioning had not changed since the ultrasound, and probably before. My contractions were unbearable by this time and I was exhausted. I had been laboring from 7pm the night before and it was now 11am the next morning. I was starting to lose my empowerment and energy needed to bring this baby into the world. Our midwife wanted to see if she could help get him into a better position so we moved back to the bed and then everything changed.

I had never experienced pain like I did when we tried to move him. I don’t remember if she even got the chance to actually change his position or just her starting was too much for me to handle.

I checked out.

At that point, I knew I couldn’t bring him into this world without some pain management, especially since he seemed to be stuck at this point. Sobbing uncontrollably, I let the midwife know that I couldn’t do this anymore and agreed to be transferred to the hospital. We all agreed that we had done everything we could at the birth center to bring him into the world without causing any more pain to myself or risking hurting/stressing him out.

The team helped Ryan pack our things, as the midwife called the hospital to let them know we were on our way. Luckily for us, it was less than a mile drive to the hospital so we didn’t need to get an ambulance. I was pretty angry with myself at this point. I had prepared myself for a natural birth for the past 9+ months and now we were driving to the one place I did not prepare to bring our child into the world in. A hospital I had not met any of the team, seen the rooms, or had any idea what was about to happen. I’m still working through my decision and feelings about the transfer to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital with our midwife and Doula behind us. They helped us get checked into our room and talked to the hospital team with us, explaining our situation. We all decided an epidural was the best option at this time since I needed a break from the contractions to try and get some energy back.

After getting the epidural, my contractions had stopped completely. Labor had stalled. The team at the hospital suggested Pitocin to kickstart the contractions again but I was hesitant. We decided to weigh our options of getting Pitocin and pushing or getting a c-section (which I will refer to as a belly birth here on out)  which was also presented to us when we arrived at the hospital. Our doctor at the hospital gave us the pros and cons of each option. She explained that even with the Pitocin and pushing route, the baby could still be stuck and I could end up needing to have a belly birth anyway. She also explained that a belly birth is major surgery and would have a ton of recovery time, and the risks that come with any surgery. I, of course, wanted to have this baby as naturally as possible, but couldn’t even think about pushing for another X amount of hours, even with the epidural. I was exhausted. I had been in labor for the past 18 hours. I just wanted to be done. I was also afraid of having a belly birth. Immediately, thoughts of what if rushed my brain. I told Ryan what to do if something were to go wrong and to stay with the baby no matter what if we choose to have the belly birth.

After weighing our options, we decided to go forward with the surgery. We let the hospital team know and the team from the Birth Center left and said they would be in touch. I remember crying as they left as their support and guidance throughout my entire labor was so helpful and appreciated.

The surgeon was called in and they started preparing me for surgery. I was beyond anxious but ready to meet our son and get some rest. After an hour or so of waiting, they rolled me into the operating room and Ryan was close behind. They made sure I couldn’t feel anything aside from some pressure and began the procedure. I was in an anxiety-ridden fog at this point. I remember feeling lots of pressure, smelling the disinfectant & hearing Ryans voice.. “you’ve got this, you’re doing great, breathe”

I attempted to keep my eyes closed most of the time because it was far too frightening to watch what was happening. I remember the surgeon telling us “only a few more moments until you meet your baby!” Meeting my baby in this capacity was not what I had expected or hoped for. I wanted a calm gentle birth with his grand appearance being some sort of magical transformation of me becoming a mother. I imagined music playing in the background. I imagined Ryan catching the baby as he was born. I didn’t want for him to see me this upset the first time we met.  Will he pick up on my stress levels and be as stressed as me? These thoughts ran through my head as I began to feel them pull baby out.

Then I heard his cry.

That cry. It changed everything. I opened my eyes looking for him, looking towards the sound. The hospital team said he was a big boy as they delayed clamping his cord and I anxiously waited to see him. They put him on my chest and he stopped crying. He knew he was with me, that I was stressed and he calmed us both.

The first time you meet your child is a surreal experience. No matter where you are, no matter how you are meeting your child; time stands still. I no longer cared that my insides were showing themselves to the world. I could no longer feel the pressure as the surgeons started putting me back together. I had my baby in my IV riddled arms and all was alright.

Our son, Bodhi was finally here.

After Bodhi had successfully pooped on my chest (I had no idea this had happened until we were in recovery) and we had some skin to skin time, they took him to be checked out and said we would be reunited in the recovery room. Ryan went with him to ensure he wasn’t alone and the surgeons finished up my surgery.

Now it turns out Bodhi wanted to come through the birth canal ear first. Babies usually come face or head first. Because Bodhi wanted to hear the world first instead of seeing it, he had gotten stuck on my hip bone, causing the lack of progress in my labor. We later learned that I had a 10% chance of delivering him naturally, reassuring us that we had made the right decision on having the belly birth.

After getting some anti-anxiety meds and pain management, I was rolled into recovery and reunited with my family.

My family- no longer just my husband waiting for me. My husband and son were waiting. We had created a family.

I remember seeing them in the recovery room, Ryan holding Bodhi and looking so proud. I was so anxious to hold Bodhi again, but because of some IV issues during surgery, we had to replace a couple so I could continue getting fluids and mediations. After over an hour of multiple nurses trying to get an IV started, I was finally able to hold Bodhi and nurse him for the first time. During that hour, Ryan did skin to skin and kept our baby safe until I was finally able to hold him.

By this time, I was calm, relaxed & ready. I held Bodhi tighter than I think I ever will and nursed him for the first time. It all came so naturally. Breastfeeding made our bond stronger and Bodhi matched his heartbeat to mine. I was in pure bliss- a medicated bliss.

After a couple of hours in recovery, we were settled into our room for the next few days to begin our journey through parenthood and enjoy the first few days of Bodhi’s life.

It’s all still a fog and I still have a lot of feelings about the birth of Bodhi. Anger, excitement, & trauma to name a few. I remind myself daily that we created a perfect human and regardless of how he got here, he is alive, healthy and all ours. I see him changing and learning new things every single day and it’s all so beautiful.

He is so beautiful.