And just like that we are closer to parenthood then we are away. 20 weeks down; 20 to go.
Let me repeat. 20 weeks to go!
The past 20 weeks have been…interesting to say the least. If you’ve read my previous blog you’ll know that I struggled my way through the first trimester and felt as if this pregnancy would last forever. Boy oh boy, have things changed.
Time is now flying by! I have to constantly remind myself that I’m pregnant because I’m feeling so great. I have almost as much energy as I did pre-pregnancy & the strive to do as many projects as I can before I’m either too big or tied down with a little babe to get anything done. There is so much baby proofing that we need to do prior to baby’s arrival & we are running out of time, literally! If anyone wants to come help I am gladly accepting invitations!
We had our 20-week anatomy scan and our little BOY is growing stronger and bigger each passing day. You will never know or feel so much weight being lifted off your shoulders knowing there are no “markers” on your scans to cause concern. Seeing scans of babes face, feet, spine, legs & arms makes all of this much more realistic. I constantly think to myself, there is an actual human growing inside of me. Eventually, he will be earthside and no longer safe inside of my womb. I am scared to death of failing as a parent but so excited to have the opportunity to raise him and see who he becomes. Who knows, maybe he will be the next president, astronaut, doctor or yogi.
It’s not all rainbows and butterflies though.
My body and mental state are changing dramatically in ways that I did not expect. While I am loving being pregnant and watching my body adjust to hold & nurture this little being inside of me, I am feeling a lot of guilt about watching the scale go up. I started this pregnancy weighing in at 125lbs and in a short 20 weeks have now topped out the scale at the highest I’ve ever been, 140lbs. Now, I know I’m supposed to gain weight during pregnancy. There’s a baby growing inside of me and I need more nutrients (roughly 400 extra calories a day) to support and help this baby reach its full potential. I can’t help but think…what if I can’t lose this weight after the baby is born? How much more weight am I going to gain.. will any of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit me again? I’ve always been slim and have never had a problem with gaining weight and being able to eat whatever I want…and now I feel like everything is about to change.
Along with the physical changes becoming more prominent, I am noticing some mental changes that are also starting to take place. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I felt as if I was going to be missing out on various activities due to my pregnancy. Weekend brunches, Friday nights on the town, Happy hours with co-workers. While I am theoretically “missing out” on these ventures, I am content and perfectly okay with it. I am choosing to not participate. Not out of sickness, not out of exhaustion, just because it’s not a priority of mine right now. The FOMO has started to dissipate and I am finding myself enjoying more time at home, nesting, relaxing & spending time with my husband and dogs. Now, that doesn’t mean I miss my friends. I miss them tremendously & feel a bit of guilt for going off the radar. I find myself changing from the friend that is physically always around & up for an adventure, to the friend you can depend on for emergencies, tough situations, & the occasional catch up over coffee or a cocktail, or mocktail in my case.
Another thing I have noticed is the nesting instinct is starting to kick in. Historically, I have NOT been the biggest clean freak. Living with 2 dogs, 1 of which that sheds A LOT; I have become okay with dog hair and dirt on the floors. I’m ok with dishes sitting in the sink & laundry in the washer. I’m not messy by any means but am ok with mess. Well… not anymore. I find myself vacuuming more often, sweeping & disinfecting the counters. I have gone through the baby clothes we have acquired almost weekly, just to fold, unfold to look at & fold again. I’m going through boxes of old stuff and decluttering as much as possible. Organizing cupboards in the kitchen & moving things around (even when it might not make that much sense to do so) I am DYING to get started on the nursery, however, we will be waiting until the middle of December to do so..which might actually kill me. I have already started designing, acquiring decor & dreaming about what the nursery will look like; I just hope I can bring my dreams alive in a month prior to the baby’s estimated arrival.
Overall, I LOVE being pregnant. I love the way I’m changing, inside & out. I feel like I’m really starting to turn into a mother and envision a life for my growing family that will be full of life, love & learning.
The best is yet to come